Being in an unhealthy relationship is miserable. Someone is always hurt. Someone is always offended. Someone is always consoling. And the cycle continues — no one wants to be in this relationship.
Relationships aren’t supposed to be a walk in the park. But they’re not supposed to look like a scene from Jurassic Park either.
Failed relationships start when you try to get your deepest needs met by a person rather than God. These needs are real, they were put there by God. But they can only be fulfilled by God. By putting these unhealthy expectations on another person, your relationship will begin to fall apart.
So instead of looking for the right one, start becoming the right one. Your next relationship should be a healthy one. How do you prepare yourself? Consider these four needs in your life.
Four Needs That Can Only Be Met By God
Identity is the answer to the question, “who am I?”
Identity determines value.
When your identity is found in Christ you will rest securely in your value. Your perceived value creates your subconscious values. Your values are the filter through which you make decisions. If you believe that you are valuable then you will treat yourself accordingly.
However when your identity is found in another person rather than God, they determine who you are and what your value is. And ultimately they become the moral compass of your decision making.
The Answer: God is the only one who is perfect and knows you perfectly. When you find your identity in God you will position yourself to make healthy, satisfying decisions.
Security is the answer to the question, “who (or what) do I have to have to be okay?”
Security determines trust.
When your security is in Christ then you trust God. When you trust God you will walk in obedience. Obedience is the foundation of God’s provision, protection, and blessings — see Deuteronomy 28:1-14.
When your security is found in a person, they ultimately become your God. This means that you put your trust in them rather than God. Although most wouldn’t admit that with their words, it is shown in their actions. This not only forfeits God’s provision, protection, and blessings but positions you against Him — see Deuteronomy 28:15-68.
The Answer: God is the only one who is secure and trustworthy. When He is your security you can lose everything and still be okay knowing that He will provide for your needs and protect you from harm.
Acceptance is the answer to the question, “what makes you feel loved?”
Acceptance determines confidence.
Feeling loved is one of the most basic human needs in the world. God designed us to love and to be loved not only by each other but by Him. The opposite of acceptance is rejection. Rejection causes us to withhold love from others and positions us to not feel loved by God.
If we reject others, then rejection becomes the lens through which we experience God’s love. When we accept others, acceptance becomes the lens through which we experience God’s love.
God was rejected so that we could be accepted. Because of this acceptance, we can confidently love all people regardless of if they love us in return.
The Answer: God is the only one who will always accept us and never reject us. When we seek His love and acceptance above others, we will be able to navigate even the worst rejection from men and still be okay.
Purpose is the answer to the question, “why are you here?”
Purpose determines activity.
Your purpose is your calling. Your calling is the divine DNA that God placed inside of you to do something with grace and power. Whether it’s being a leader in the front or a servant behind the scenes, you will live a life of joy and satisfaction walking in your purpose.
However, when you selfishly define your own purpose or try to live out someone else’s purpose you will always come up short. This leads to frustration. If your purpose is always found in other people, what happens when they change their mind or you’re no longer together? You lose your purpose.
The Answer: God has a plan and purpose for your life. Find out what it is and commit your life to it. Remember, you might be called to support someone else in their purpose but you will never be called to be someone else.
God designed you for healthy relationships. He designed you to have needs met by other people. But He never designed you to replace Him at the center of your being. If you begin to make other people the source for your life, you will never be satisfied with what they can give.
When you decided to allow God to meet all of your deepest needs you find yourself confident and secure in who God made you to be and what He called you to do. This is attractive. The is the foundation for a health relationship. And this is the type of person that everyone wants to be with.
I hope this blog encouraged you! If so, feel free to share it on Facebook!
Also, I’d love to hear about your journey in allowing God to meet your deepest needs. Let me know in the comments below!